Appreciating Others.

My incredible husband isn’t one for taking credit for anything. He always makes sure his subordinates and teammates receive the accolades instead. He does what he does well because it means something to him. He doesn’t want the attention that comes with it though. The reward of a job well done, as Jonas Salk once said, is the opportunity to do more. And, because of the way he works, people are often providing my husband with more opportunities to make a positive impact on things. And, he does, because it’s just the kind of guy he is, but he won’t tell you that himself. Why?...Because it’s not about him.

I am a big believer in doing more. So taking Salk’s words and my husband’s example into mind, more often than not, I strive to raise those up around me. It’s the right thing to do. You can never appreciate someone too much. You can never say thank you enough.

I have a terrific team at Coast Guard Family Organization, Inc. and a great growing team at Military Spouse Mentoring. I cannot even begin to tell you how incredible my support is at United Against MST. So, here I want to take a moment to thank each one of the amazing folks who is a dedicated volunteer to these organizations. Without them, these groups would be nonexistent. I cannot run them by myself. I just have ideas and dreams and the people around me, supporting me, help me to make it happen. They are truly awesome volunteers who have as much faith in causes that I do and keep doing what they can to keep forging ahead.

CGFO, Inc. - Amber Broadway and Beth Koehler.
CGFO Advisory Board –Amy Goodpaster-Strebe, Chrissy Thompson, Rebecca Dorval, and Alisha Carter.
Military Spouse Mentoring – Amber Broadway, Beth Koehler and Amy Granillo.
United Against MST (on the web)– Susan Avila-Smith.

We are only as strong as those around us. I am proud to include myself among the ranks of these remarkable women. There are SO MANY more supporting the organizations above, that you may not know of, behind the scenes; I would love to list them, but truly, there is not enough internet space.

In sum, I just want to say, I am a grateful person. I am blessed to be surrounded by so many philanthropic individuals who give their time and talents to support others—so many others they will never even meet. BUT, their work matters. I thank them and am thankful for them each and every day. Last but not least, I am thankful for my husband and his philosophy on teamwork. His appreciation for others and putting them before himself is something I truly admire.

My advice for this week: Thank someone. Make sure they know you appreciate what they do.

Being supportive v. Being the problem solver

Today, I heard some words about how important is to try to NOT heal the world’s hurt.

Volunteers and folks involved with charity are usually compassionate beyond a normal level--bleeding hearts, if you will. Compassion and kindness can be as simple as being there and letting others know you care. Still, many seek to fix all that ails those who come to them for aid. I exhibit this trait occasionally. To be honest, it used to take up a great deal of my time. I have been working on this for a couple of years. I am retraining myself to know that I can be supportive, but not solve everyone's problems.

What can be frustrating is not being able to succeed at fixing everyone’s problems all the time and that's how a problem can become bigger, because it starts adversely affecting more and more people. The key is realizing that you can be a good humanitarian by just listening and supporting.

I am not saying that you shouldn't try to help others. No, that's not it at all. What I mean is to assess the situation and see if the particular issue calls for you to be an ally or a fixer. There are some cases in which you might actually be able to help solve a problem or at least support an effort to work towards the resolutions. Knowing the difference in situations is the tricky part.
Not everyone is resourceful and not everyone feels as though their situation is fair; and, therefore, they are seeking a remedy.

Unfortunate circumstances happen. Sometimes it can be due to choices an individual makes or because of things out of their control. Regardless of why someone is suffering, supporters cannot be expected to fix it all. They also shouldn’t place that burden upon themselves. Oftentimes, the suffering individual doesn’t even want you to fix their problem. Still, you may recognize the predicament and you may jump to resolve it, as is your nature, as is mine.

In terms of supporting military families, this is a common issue. What I have found is that by making myself available to others, even if just lending an ear. Being supportive and hearing what someone is saying, is all it takes sometimes to help them regain their confidence and get themselves the resources they need to get things back on track.

I enjoy helping others. I feel it is my duty to give back in many areas. I have an obligation to serve. I also take pride in the fact that I am often sought out for advice and support. I wish I had all the answers, but I don’t. I am learning to know that my inability to fix everything is not a limitation, but rather an opportunity to be simply an ally.

And, more often than not, that’s all it takes. If someone knows you are in the corner and you care, they can keep forging ahead. They can figure it out and fix it on their own.

So swamped it's silly.

Great things happen all at once it seems!

For those of you who know I've found it difficult to break into the working arena in my new area, the great news is, I've been successful (finally!). I guess I'll have to update that latest HUN article. A terrific firm invested in me and hired me on for more than just contracted legal work that I have been doing here and there as a freelancer.

Great back-to-work-news aside, I am thrilled to say that, we at Coast Guard Family Organization, Inc. having been looking ahead at the redesign of our website. My wonderful friend, terrific supporter, and Vice President of the organization, Amber Broadway, is also our Marketing Director. We are looking at some nifty options to make the site more engaging for you and also to intertwine some language options. Most readers, in other Nations, and if you have your settings right on your computer can view us in their respective language, but we are hoping to bring a quick and easy translator to you right at your fingertips for those of you who don't have the options right there on your screen already. We are also bringing back our blog and will have some great stories and life experiences from varied CG spouses.

Military Spouse Mentoring is bringing on some contributing writers as well. Our newest writer will be Amy Granillo, a well-versed business woman who is also a military spouse. We are also communicating with various mentoring programs around the country to further develop what we already have in place.

This past week, I was contacted by a collegiate department, that collaborates with Dr. Jill Biden on education matters, about how we can possibly work together to merge the things I am doing to benefit our military children with what they are working on. Is that not amazing!?! To say that I am thrilled is a gross understatement.

What change do you want to see? How can I get you the resources you need and what can I help with? Let me know! I might not have the answer, but chances are, I might know someone who does.

I hit the books. It hit my wallet.

I was always a student who showed exceptional academic promise growing up. My teachers always gave glowing reports. Everyone assumed I would always do well scholastically and so did I. Fast forward to high school. It was assumed I would make National Honor Society. I didn't. For some reason, my junior year, my grades plummeted. It could have been because of my insane extracurricular and work schedule. It could also have been party due to peer pressure and slacking off. Whatever the reason, my grades suffered because I stopped putting in the effort I always had. I started having other interests and not having my nose in a book all the time didn't fit in. I still studied and did well, but I was certainly not the top in my class -- by a long shot.

This cost me a number of scholarships and potential collegiate pursuits.

I decided, the summer before my senior year of high school, to join the United States Marine Corps. This had nothing to do with my grades. Instead, I always felt called to service. I come from a military family and had it in my blood, in a way. I enjoyed the romance and history of wars of bygone eras; but the tragedies were not lost on me. Still, I felt untouchable. It was a time of peace when I enlisted and I assured my parents there was nothing to worry about.

I started taking some college classes when I was on active duty. Because of operational commitments interfering and some bad choices of not going to class a time or two, I withdrew. In 1999, I left active duty with an Honorable Discharge. I still hadn't finished school. Looking back, my recruiter had instilled in me that I would and it would be a piece of cake. Funny thing, is, it wasn't, for a number of reasons.

I rejoined the civilian world and started a full-time job and began taking community college courses at night. It was hard. It was grueling because while my friends were out and about having fun, I was in class or doing homework. I excelled at most of my classes, but almost begrudgingly, if you can imagine that. I was still young. I loathed spending my nights and weekends in school. I had applied for my GI Bill and was planning on using that because I felt I had to. To be honest, at that point in my life, my heart wasn't in school and I didn't give it the effort I could have. I wasted a lot of time and money on classes that would end being nontransferable when I switched schools.

I met my boyfriend (now husband) not long after I started night classes. He was very supportive and encouraged me to keep going to school even when I had no desire to do so. About six months into our relationship, things got very serious and we moved. So, I withdrew from community college and transferred to a private college in New Hampshire near where we lived.

Still working full-time and having a heck of a commute into and out of Boston each day, the school just got to be too much for me. I couldn't give it the attention it deserved and I didn't want to waste anymore of my GI Bill. A bunch of my community college and military credits didn't transfer or translate to my new college's program. I was dismayed, to say the least. For awhile, I stopped going to school.

We got married and within a year I was expecting our first child. Reality began to set in. If I don't go back to school now, when was I going to, I asked myself. All I could envision was my child graduating college before I had. This was and is perfectly acceptable. However, at that point in my life, it didn't sit well with me and I finally realized I had to make the commitment to my education.

Eight months pregnant, still working full time, and with my husband about to join a deploying unit, I went back to school. Crazy? Yes, perhaps. I had some months left on my GI Bill and I gave it my all. My professors thought I was a bit loopy for even attempting this given my situation, but they were supportive anyway, especially two I can recall fondly.

Even though I was using my GI Bill, my education was costly early on. When I couldn't attend enough classes to qualify for the GI Bill, I had to pay out of pocket and take out student loans. I had to because it was the only thing that worked for my family situation at the time.

I decided to start taking online classes first so that I could still be home with my baby when my husband was deployed. This worked for quite awhile. I would work and study when she napped and then stay up late hours at night while she slept in her crib. As you can imagine, there were many tough nights with colic and a cranky mommy and an absent husband that made college very trying. I kept my eyes set on my goal and made a plan to graduate within two years with my Bachelor of Arts.

By the time 2005 rolled around, I had another child. I was caring for two babies and enduring numerous deployments as my husband was still at his same unit. I did it though. In May 2005, I graduated with my BA! My husband was away at a school and wasn't even sure if he could make it to the graduation, but he did. He got there in the nick of time and my mom and him and two daughters watched me walk down the aisle in my cap and gown and receive my degree.

My eyes were still set on continuing my education. Unfortunately, after 36 months, my GI Bill ran out. I decided I would still go on in school. I applied for grants, scholarships and loans. I only was able to get the loans (of course). I started graduate school in the spring of 2006. If you can believe it, shortly thereafter, I found out I was expecting (unexpectedly) my third child. I almost had a melt down. How was I going to do this? How could I manage grad school and three kids? I considered dropping out, but opted to give it a go. I am so glad I did. My son arrived in April of 2007 and I kept at it, remembering all I had endured just to get my BA. I knew I could do this!

Sure, I incurred another set of student loans, but I graduated in 2008 with my Masters.

Going back to school certainly came with numerous obstacles as an adult learner. I was far from the youngest in my class, but I also wasn't the youngest. When I finally made the serious commitment to go back and stick with it in 2003 my life changed. I said that I will do this for myself and for my family. I did.

There are so many who find finances an obstacle, but you can get assistance. I am sure there was much more available to me, but I didn't have the resources to get them. And, as a Coast Guard spouse, many of the DOD assistance programs weren't available to me.

It's not as easy and readily available as most military spouses wish for it to be, but that is something I am committed to changing. The difficulties I faced with deployments, childcare expenses, tuition and course costs, etc. helped me to understand what so many other military spouses face. Education is attainable, but for so many it feels unattainable. I am eager to work on some progressive and positive changes in this vein and am already doing what I can to see improvements made in this area.

A simple blog with a powerful impact.

One of the most rewarding things happened the other day. A friend told me that she and her husband made the decision to join the USCG because of me. Well, in a way it was because of me. She said she had been reading a blog I started a few years ago, www.onebigcoastiefamily.blogspot.com (also known as Waiting for Ships) which has now become the CGFO blog.

She enjoyed the blog and what she read and encouraged her husband to join the CG. I am sure there was much more to it than that, but I was so moved and giddy inside that this is mostly what I took away from it.

Can you imagine how great that feels? To know I started something, a simple something, and it so directly impacted a family’s life? I am hopeful that as she and her husband are surrounded by great moments and opportunities as continue their Coast Guard journey. They recently PCSd away from where I currently live and I am honored to have gotten to know them and befriend them. Fair winds and following seas my friends.

It's Monday and it's a busy one!

This morning's festivities kicked off with responding to a military spouse's concerns about her housing situation. They are living in shabby housing to say the least. That's not the big problem though. The issue is that no one is helping her out and she is getting nowhere fast. Hopefully the information I was able to give her will provide her with enough ammunition to get things taken care of.

On tap for today is some freelance legal work (a girl's gotta pay the bills) and then volunteering at my daughter's school for a bit.

One issue I am seriously addressing this week is working collobaratively on a milspouse education matter that was recently posed to me. I am elated to support the brains behind the mission and see some changes put into place. Our military spouses sacrifice and serve so much, but often feel that education is still not within their reach due to financial strains, childcare matters, inability to transfer enough credits between schools and so on and so on. It's about high time this ridiculousness is put to an end. Military spouses need a strong voice and need a team of people working on their side and I am more than thrilled to be on that team!

Have a fantastic day everyone and don't forget to vote at MSOY. Thank you!

MSEI

Next month 2011 Military Spouse of the year Bianca Strzalkwoski will present her EDU Initiative for MilSpouses. Please help her and this effrot by completing this survey. https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/H9W2WX7